It wouldn't have mattered if the relationship was my fifth, tenth, twentieth, or first. You gain experience through life situations. Some people find that special person in their first relationship and others find that person after many relationships. It really doesn't matter when, how, why, just as long as that special person is found.
What is love? You can be yourself in front of the person you love. You can make a fool of yourself, have the best times, have the worst times, cry, laugh, smile, sulk, hug, kiss, fight, make up, and everything will be all right because of that bond of love. You hang out together and have fun times and you enjoy eachothers company. You can make fun of eachother and get eachother mad, and then afterwards fall into eachothers arms.
Was I in love? Yeah, I think so. Was he in love with me? No, but I didn't expect him or ask him to be. Love doesn't just happen, I believe more in lust at first sight. You don't fall in love either, you grow in love. You may be in a great relationship or a rocky relationship and down the line both of those relationship may end up with both people being in love with eachother. Even when the relationship started out like it wasn't going to end up that way. Even when one person got rid of all his emotions and said he didn't know if he could let me in. It could eventually happen, he could eventually fall in love with me; it doesn't have to happen over night, nor did I want it to happen over night. I wanted it to be a possibility...something to look forward to, something to grow into.
Am I still in love? Maybe. I can't think of anyone else I would want to be with other than him. Maybe I am limiting myself, but I don't want anyone else. I only want to be with him; he makes me incredibly happy and for once in my life I was having fun, I was letting someone into my life and getting to know him also. I smiled all the time. Now that is all changed. I see him all the time and it isn't the same. I can't even write this without crying. I see him and can't help but think that I want to hold him in my arms and kiss him.
He is everything. He asked me the other night why I liked him, there never is a perfect response to this question because why does anyone like someone? Sometimes it is undescribable. Sometimes all the words in the world could describe it. I wrote why I liked him down on a piece of paper way back in May. It has been 4 months and so many more things need to be added. And I could say everything I like about him, but it will only really matter to him. I will tell him in person.
I don't want to be with anyone else...because he is the only one I want to hold hands with when walking down the street. Because he is the only person that I want to wrap my arms around and hold on to. Because I want him to be the last person to wish me good night and the first person to wish me good morning. Because I want to be the only girl he sees, everyone else is blocked out. Because I want him to be the only guy I see. Because I want to make him happy. Because I want him to know I care for him probably more than most people. Because I want him to excel as a student and a runner. Because I know that he is amazing. Because he is gorgeous. Because I want him to be the last person I think about at night and I want to be the last person he thinks about. Because he deserves everything in the world and I want to give it to him. Because I want to be the one. Because I want him to realize that I can be the one. Because I want him to open his heart to me and let me in knowing that we both are vulnerable. Because I want him to call me up in the middle of the night when he needs to talk, for any reason or no reason at all. Because I want to take random trips at random times for no reason but to be together. Because I want to drive out to the middle of nowhere and lay on my car roof and gaze at that stars. And most of all, because I love him, and he doesn't even know how much.