Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.
I go through these scenarios in my head, probably like every other girl I know. I don't get very far though. Some girls imagine their weddings from the style of their dress to the decorations on their wedding cake. I mean, I guess I have thought about my wedding, but I don't get to the details because I really don't know how it is going to be. I haven't even had a good, healthy relationship with someone. I've been treated like shit when I should be treated like a lady. So what I imagine is a good relationship with someone that actually cares about me. A hopeless romantic doesn't always have to imagine the rest of their life, they can imagine bits and pieces. I imagine I am with someone that doesn't judge me or think that pasts are a big deal. I imagine that I am with someone who will compromise and talk things through. I imagine I am with someone who loves me for me.
I'm always hearing from my friends, "He's not right for you", "You shouldn't be with a guy who treats you like that", or "I know you can do better", but what else have I known? I jump into these relationships without knowing exactly how the guy is going to be like. But then again, no one would have thought that these guys would have been the type to actually treat a girl badly. When I told my friends about the things these guys would say or expect me to do, they would be astounded. They couldn't believe that these so-called amazing guys would do such things. Then the bad comments would start to come. And before knowing he was this "bad guy" they would think he was perfect for me. I've been hurt too many times to take it anymore. I will not let another guy hurt me.
But here comes the next part. There is this guy. I don't know him very well, but when we talk I feel like I've known him forever. It's probably just my heart talking, but he seems really great. Unfortunately, I only met him a little more than two weeks ago and he lives up north...while I moved back down south, 3.5 hours away. It gets worse, he is talking to someone he really likes. I just keep asking myself why would I meet this guy right before I leave without having a purpose? I feel like we have a lot in common and I've had fun with him the two times we hung out, but what's the purpose? Are we supposed to meet up again in the future or was it only a little hint at happiness that God wanted to throw at me to make me stumble? Fall on my face I will, but not at the exception of losing someone who I want to get to know better. Can the possibility still be there? I'm visiting in a few weeks, but I don't know what will come of it. I'm not going up there specifically to visit him, but seeing him again would be nice. Talking to him makes me smile and that's all I can ask for. You only live once, better make it worthwhile. I don't want this chance to slip away.
Degrassi: The Next Generation has filled my nights this past week. As much drama that goes on on that show, they always somehow throw in the love story. The girl or guy that got away, the girl that can't catch a break, but finally finds the one. I want to find the one. I'm still young and living life, so it isn't like it has to happen now. Just someday soon. I don't want to miss any chances.
Maybe in the future I'll imagine my exact wedding, alongside the man I am going to marry. But until then, I'll be a hopeless romantic, watching couples in love and waiting for "that guy" to come along, whether it be someone who I have already met or someone new.